heartbeat

i saw you talking on the phone, i know that you are not alone..but you're stealing my heart away. stop stealing my heart away. it's curious that i always find myself above the abyss..always and forever chaotic. and it's funny how i always ask myself the same question : how did i get here in the first place?! it's simple, and the answer is swirlling in my head already. "go with the flow"..yes, i did. sounds very familiar. this time, i knew from the beginning that i'm walking on thin ice, but it felt orgasmic. it started with a dinner at the restaurant i swore i'd never go, it started with a conversation where "il mio cognilio" told me he would never but never cross the line. after some glasses of red wine and robbie williams, after we danced, a great romantic atmosphere, a great kiss..i let go. No more principles, he was mine and i was his. the little wicked witch. he showed me that all the others were little boys and he was a real man. A REAL MAN. i miss you! yes, i do..i saw the humble , the sensitive, the warm soul , the one that showed me what romance is all about. what happened? maybe i know the answer but it's too painful to recognize it. i miss your blue eyes , i miss your big lips, your laugh, your tzaca paca :)) your face expression..i miss everything . and it hurts. i never meant to do you any harm, so you know. and i refuse to think that you considered me as one of the many. you'll never know now what i'm feeling, 'cause next week when you'll see me again , you'll see a large smile, a defying look, i'll pretend that this never happened, i'll go back to mr. ...... eventhough it tears me apart.