i love you too

i love you too..a thousand times i do, from the bottom of my heart and soul i do, i do , i do. Why is it has to be so damn complicated? why do i have endure all this , now eveybody knows, and i don't care what they think, i don't! let's run away, forget this world, you and me, let's go to a place where we can always be just you and me. i do love you too, still Christmas is about to knock at my damn door, and it will find me again, as every year alone, all by myself, emprisoned in my own body, in my own head, in my own heart, 'cus you're away..so far away. Sometimes i do feel there are miles and miles between us. i need you here with me, and it's getting harder and harder. i wish i ..yes, i wish i met you before..before all these. how ironic is the fact that 3 years ago i saw you for the first time, how ironic is that now, after three years, you are my sweetheart? how ironic... don't let me here in this misery, find a solution for us, there is too much pressure on my shoulders...still I LOVE YOU TOO MY SWEETHEART MY BUNNY MY ALL!

heartbeat

i saw you talking on the phone, i know that you are not alone..but you're stealing my heart away. stop stealing my heart away. it's curious that i always find myself above the abyss..always and forever chaotic. and it's funny how i always ask myself the same question : how did i get here in the first place?! it's simple, and the answer is swirlling in my head already. "go with the flow"..yes, i did. sounds very familiar. this time, i knew from the beginning that i'm walking on thin ice, but it felt orgasmic. it started with a dinner at the restaurant i swore i'd never go, it started with a conversation where "il mio cognilio" told me he would never but never cross the line. after some glasses of red wine and robbie williams, after we danced, a great romantic atmosphere, a great kiss..i let go. No more principles, he was mine and i was his. the little wicked witch. he showed me that all the others were little boys and he was a real man. A REAL MAN. i miss you! yes, i do..i saw the humble , the sensitive, the warm soul , the one that showed me what romance is all about. what happened? maybe i know the answer but it's too painful to recognize it. i miss your blue eyes , i miss your big lips, your laugh, your tzaca paca :)) your face expression..i miss everything . and it hurts. i never meant to do you any harm, so you know. and i refuse to think that you considered me as one of the many. you'll never know now what i'm feeling, 'cause next week when you'll see me again , you'll see a large smile, a defying look, i'll pretend that this never happened, i'll go back to mr. ...... eventhough it tears me apart.

Liberal thoughts !

where are we? what the hell is going on? Autumn leaves are slowly floathing into the cold autumn. And here's me, away from the noise, away from my reality, the one i have been trying and working to have this summer... ma bufneste rasul, defapt limba romana este mult mai potrivita pentru gandurile mele ce se indreapta catre locul unde mi-am petrecut mai mult de jumatate de an, locul care ma va ajuta sa ma ridic si totusi..compromisurile sunt prea mari. mult prea mari...dar, asa e politica, curva, nu? Da, o stiam de mult, stiam cu ce se mananca, sau mai degraba cine pe cine "mananca" ...si totusi iata-ma , aici , in locul frustrarilor mele, scriind pentru ca este singura metoda in care ma pot dezlantui, atunci cand sangele imi fierbe in vene, cand venele imi pulseaza in tample , cand inghit in sec si zic, Nu, orice s-ar fi intamplat, voi ramane calma si nu voi apela la vechile mele obiceiuri, desi...exista un desi..old habits die hard, nu? ..dar nu, mi se spune sa trec peste si sa fiu diplomata. Poate eu nu vreau sa fiu diplomata, poate eu nu vreau sa mi se gaseasca alternativa, poate eu vreau sa lupt si sa strivesc ce mi-a facut rau, sa arat inca odata ca pot...cineva sa ma tina!!!!!

my supergirl

imi este groaznic de dor de tine..ma simt rupta in bucati..si incerc sa repar acele bucati sa stea laolalta , dar nu vor...incerc sa-ti caut inlocuitori si pentru ca niciunu/una nu ma inteleg asa cum o faceai tu, pentru ca niciuna nu e meine barbie in misery, pentru ca niciuna nu face 3,14/3,14 de o suta de ori inainte sa iasa pe usa ,incat sa ma calce pe nervi, pentru ca niciuna nu are aceeasi culoare de par indiferent de nuanta si marca folosita de vopsea, pentru ca niciuna nu e jidanca la modul funny si dragalas, pentru ca niciuna nu intelege de ce tip si de ce ma comport asa, pentru ca niciuna nu stie tactica, "iti fac masaj eu prima, ca apoi dupa ce ai obosit sa te relaxezi" , pentru ca niciuna nu e destul de bossy si nu ma intriga cu absolut nimic existenta ei, pentru ca defapt...niciuna nu stie ca eu te-am pastrat in adancul fiintei mele , cea care era in gandul meu si devenise un reflex pentru mine dimineata,cea care venea de fiecare data dupa mine in momentele grele si ma ridica , imi intarea moralul. iar eu..? eu..fara tine sunt singura, inconjurata de o mare de oameni care vin si pleaca de langa mine, ale caror vorbe sunt ca un zumzet enervant in urechile mele...eu? eu sunt singura pentru ca te-am pierdut pe tine, meine barbie in misery si ma doare..da..inca ma doare, traiesc inca in trecut. i won't let you run off my mind.

you could be happy...

you could be happy and i won t know...but you were not happy the day i let you go.
is it too late to remind you how were?
and not our days of silence , screams and WAR?
i could be happy i hope you are....you destroyed us, i feel empty sad and cold , when you left, you left with a piece of me...ce o sa fac eu cu toate amintirile noastre, tot ce ne lega? ai putut sa stergi cu buretele foarte usor sentimentele si sa treci mai departe din cauza orgoliului si a rautatii tale.
oare timp de doi ani tu te-ai prefacut ca esti prietena mea? oare m-ai folosit pentru ca toti cei de langa tine plecasera unul cate unul...iar tu ramaneai singura si fara "glorie" ?
as vrea sa nu sufar si sa mi vina in cap toate rautatile pe care le ai avut la adresa mea, dar stii ce? eu sunt o persoana mai buna ca tine si te iert, iar asa cum te iert iti cer iertare daca tu crezi ca eu am fost cea parsiva. nu mi mai doresc sa te am ca prietena, pentru ca ranile au fost mult prea adanci si sunt in continuare, dar din pacate in urma raman amintirile si zambetul amar care ma face sa spun...am avut odata o prietena, era meine barbie in misery,pe care o iubeam mult, poate prea mult.. acum ea nu mai este, pentru mine e moarta...

I put an End to the End

Sunt inconsecventa. Da, stiu...sunt haotica..da stiu ..sunt dezordonata...da stiu...sunt incapatanata...da stiu...sunt o fiinta oximoronica..daaa stiu..sunt neinteleasa, si nu in sensul de uuuhhh i'm being an emo with a lot of emotional traumas, pentru ca in domeniul asta sunt mai entitled ca multi dintre cei care cred ca au ceva experienta de viata. Da, sunt o fiinta ciudata si da Fac multe greseli. Da, ranesc persoanele care imi sunt cu adevarat alaturi si Nu( prima negatie, pe ziua de azi) am scuza. DAR MAI STIU CEVA...ca imi pare rau acum in ceasul al 13-lea si o recunosc aici. Acum...cand sunt eu in fata monitorului si e liniste si o dau deja in melancolii. i really am difficult to handle with, i am oflten weak and i know one thing , that without you i would be nothing ,but a senseless figure.
to my Alice in her wonderland,
from her psycho friend , lily in Much Mud

mwhahah!

guess who's back in the business hun?
that's right ..it's lily in mud and her multiple personality game.
by the time you will probably read this post i would have already done what am i up to. :)))
ce diabolic sunaaaa! daar, mi-a fost dor sa ma joc, iar tu , unul dintre fanii mei infocati adame, ai consimtit sa ne jucam impreuna!
let the game beggin, my friend :)) uite ca am descoperit un mod mai frumos de a-ti spune PRIETENE in romana. :))) hahah, this feels so good.

see you sooon! lily in mud