all along it was about him, me and him. why? who knows , maybe faith. stupidity would others call it , maybe even I. mixed-up feelings. fell in love and in love again, out of love and then in love again. I met others, others who gave me much more than HE ever gave me. then again..it always been about him. i'm not really sure how to feel about it. i'm not even sure that i didn't return to him because i'm feeling lonely. because others couldn't fight back for me. why? i grew oldddddd with him. why? why am i cursed to live alongside his life? why am i returning to him ? why don't i get my OWN life? i deserve someone who can love me and only me, or at least someone who could build me a fence like the abba's used to sing? count to ten....you're ruining the whole thing! snap your fingers and cross your tongue over your teeth, it doesn't make any sense, does it? Well, this too...this " romantic affair " doesn't also. WHY ? everyone told me that my eyes are not wide open. well they were quite open, and what did i remain with ? a holiday in rome and in the other case overprotective bastard, at least this ONE had the courage to tell the truth. hah! even now, after all these years i don't get what i seem to see at him..or saw. headlock or heartlock, call it either way. i'm never going to understand the sense of all this. i'm starting to grow old and it scares me. others have babies and get married. ow, yes..i have my career. :) then again, i don't sleep off the nights with my career ( it would be exciting though, starting to think more and more of it....i'm bad, lily in mud, you're bad, leave A alone) confused mixed up feelings. greener sceneries. you know you're better than this. do I ? maybe i'm overthinking at it too much, maybe ...maybe it was just another in other million flings with one of my ex's. but when i come to think about it....he was never my EX. he was always there, telling me that i would get tired of all the others and i would return to him. the bastard. and the fool. that's me. the fool. i returned. dulling story isn't it? well actually i have lived all my great adventures with him..and it all started with the reflection of the sea in his eyes. the reason. we returned today at the place where it all started. yes. the sea. i was crazy enough to run from work in order to evade. the sea. the smell. the laughs. the bad driver. ( ow, he let me drive :)) ) the place where it all staRTed. and i don't even am a sea person. i rather the mountains . even the fact that i started eating beef instead of fish and chicken is strange to me. i never liked beef. now...it's all i can eat.
it's all wondering around in my head.
best regards
Lily. simple as that. for real life we have visit cards,here i'm just lily.
