i heard that dreams come true...

i heard that dreams come true..that someday if you believe hard enough in something, you'll finally get it..but what if it isn't real, what if you'll wait all your life for something that will never show up. 

I gotta stop being sentimental, i gotta stop this, it's making me sick and tired..actually too tired. 

And even now..after all these i don't seem to EVEN know what i want from life, what i'm expecting. Everybody is expecting more or less same things from life..family, a big house, a career, travels..but what do i really  want from life? a tiny voice inside my head is whispering that i want LIFE to spoil me....i wanna be spoiled by life..i want this inside storm to go away...and rain the driest souls, i don't need it anymore.  

Right now, i hate the feeling i get inside..this is not me, who is me? Mom asked me the other days why i don't get into a real realtionship, afterall..i;m pretty, smart, funny, lively....all those pluses makes a big Minus..why is that? There are guys who like me....but none of them is appealing to me, none of them gets me, the way that i really am.....she then asked me, do you know who you are...? i didn't know what to answer...how to answer it...but for now...

i'm just Lily in Cold Mud.